Story Time Templates (temp3) from Designs by Connie Prince


In The Hollow - Peter Add on from Keystone Scraps


Im Every Woman from Designs by Connie Prince


Life Is Grand Alpha Pack Add On from Designs by Connie Prince


Journaling


I was trying to think of some way to end “If I only had” for a few days when it came to me suddenly today.  Halloween is not a day of joy or celebration for me.  It is the annual reminder of losing my brother, Greg, in a tragic car accident after attending a Halloween party on Oct. 31, 1965.  


For many years I have regretted that I never said goodbye to him that night as he left. I was being a brat and far too angry that he was leaving  me home while he went to the party to even look at him as he left. I was sitting on the front stoop when he left, pouting. He said goodbye to me.... and I said nothing in return. 


Not long after his curfew, the phone rang.  My parents went off to answer the phone and were gone for some time.  I have always had a vivid imagination, and talked to myself quite often.  I said, you know, they are going to call you in there and tell you Greg is dead. And you are going to laugh.  God forgive me, but I was actually laughing when they indeed called me into the kitchen and told me the horrible news.  I shrank back into a corner, curling up in a tight ball, screamed and went into shock.


He was my protector in so many ways, more than I would have space or inclination to share here. And he was gone.  Losing Greg was not all that happened. I lost my faith. Our minister came to the house to counsel us in our time of grief. I asked what every 12 year old would ask.  WHY?  His answer was not acceptable to me in the least. He told me that God had a car that needed work and Greg was such a good mechanic.  I turned from him without saying a word and refused to go to church quite flatly.  


Some years later, I happened to run in to Greg’s friend, who had been driving the car that fateful night.  Even though part of me had thought of countless ways to hurt and kill the person that took Greg from me... after we spoke, I had no choice but to forgive him. He had already suffered enough pain and mental anguish for that tragic event that changed so many lives. I found that the act of forgiving that young man was something he not only needed, but I greatly needed for myself.  


To this day,  I can’t forgive myself for that very childish and selfish act on the last evening I saw Greg alive. I secretly blame myself for him not coming home because I had been so mean. And part of me is happy that he in fact got his wish... of never having to grow up.  I will never stop wondering if things would have turn out differently if I only had said goodbye.