Scott doesn't "get" the emotional toll of getting rid of things as a hoarder with childhood trauma. I never processed a lot of the emotions surrounding my childhood, and still (at age 43) haven't processed a lot of the emotional baggage from certain times in my life. I come from a family of hoarders and am one myself. Scott's parents were hoarders but he is the opposite except for certain things.

After Mom died, I had to empty her house. Needless to say, a lot of it went straight into the garbage and some got donated. The rest is out in our garage and in the spare bedroom. My craft stuff (that is supplies to make small notebooks, something Mom and I both did and sold) is in the spare bedroom.

Uncle David is going to have to move in with us soon and I have to sort through and get rid of enough stuff so we can switch the rooms around so he can have the smallest room. Scott thinks that it should be easy for me to make quick decisions about each thing and put everything in piles for keep, donate, and trash. He even rented a dumpster.

I haven't been able mentally and emotionally to do more than an hour or two a day, and most days not even that. I get so overwhelmed with the emotions connected to the things and what they represented. It takes me the rest of the day to process those emotions. If I have someone working with me that I can tell stories to and talk with about things, then I can do about 4 hours at a time, but the two people (Erin and Cai) who could do that are sick or live too far away.

I'm having trouble emotionally with basically being told that I need to do something in a way that doesn't make sense to me and at the same time not being given the support I need to do it the way that works for me. Scott doesn't think I should keep the craft paper that Mom bought for notebooks (about $500 worth of paper and about $1000 worth of general supplies, dies, stamps, and embossing folders) because I haven't been doing anything with them for a couple years. 1. I haven't been able to do craft shows because of the pandemic. 2. I don't drive. 3. The stuff has been shoved into that room and packed in so I couldn't get it to list the finished things on Etsy.

It's just all so confusing and that makes it even more of an emotional burden on me, which makes me not want to do anything at all. It's a brutal cycle. I don't want to be like this because I know what it did to my parents and how it affected me growing up.  Scott thinks it's counterproductive for me to have someone help me, because "If someone helps you, you won't learn how to do it and it'll just keep happening."  I've tried to explain, but he just can't get the idea that I can't do it without help!

I used a template from “Peace, Love, and Tie-Dye” by the GingerBread Ladies/The Cherry On Top and everything else is from “When Life Gives You Lemons” by North Meets South Studios.  The font is “Chalk Paint.”