Personal journaling reads:I was only 17 when I lost you, yet the day lingures in my mind as if it was only yesterday. I remember the tiny hospital room I gave birth to you in and the musky smell it had. I remember the strong purfume that the nurse wore and teh sounds of the babies being born in the rooms around us ringing in my ears.
It has been nearly 13 long years now since I held you in my arms for the first and last time. I remember how tiny you were and how ten of your little hands could have fit into mine. Every time I look into the face of one of your siblings , I see you peaking out at me. I still can picture your big chocolate brown eyes and tiny midnight black curls as clear as day; as if I had just lost you yesterday. You would be almost a teen ager today. It hardly seems possible.
That horrible day replays in my head all the time. I remember your last kicks. I remember waking up and knowing you were gone even though you were still inside me. I remember the doctors telling me you were gone, and even though I knew deep down inside I did not want to believe it was true. I remember not wanting to push, wanting to hold you inside of me as long as I could; if even for only a few more minutes.
I went to the lake where you are buried to be as close to you as I could today. Even though I'm sure it looked crazy, I laid down next to you. I could have stayed like that for hours, regardless of the ground being moist from the slushiy rain. What I wanted to do most of all was to hold you in my arms one more time. I miss you so much my Livy... and will every day of my life.
Credits:
Valorie Brown: Fly To Heaven
Cluster Queen Creations: Give me Layers Lite 9
Heather Hess: The Guy with the fast red car
